im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
