Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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