You work out of a Hotel?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
