My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
