my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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