Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
