Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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