She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My vagina just clenched in fear
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
