she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
