ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he thought i was a dude.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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