i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
