we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
