I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
