how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
