I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
this will be a night to untag.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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