Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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