I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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