We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
