VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
