She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
