Taylor Swift is so right about you.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
