I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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