She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
