He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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