idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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