My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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