On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
