For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
