you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
