Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
