If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
