there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
