butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
