sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
