She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
