If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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