I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
