wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
