How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
