oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
