Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
