Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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