I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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