Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
