Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
