thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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