listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
