dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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