if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
People in love make me want to vomit
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
