i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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