Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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