Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
